Dear Mom, Anna, Grandpa Sid, and Gina,
I owe you a happy post. You’ve all expressed some concern about my letters. Well, Gina, you haven’t. Mom mentioned you’re reading so I told her I’d give you a shout out. Anyway, I’m fine. See, I’m smiling.
Despite all of the frustrated and self-flagellating essays I post, I’m happier and more secure than I have been in a long time. That’s not to say I find my new life as a writer to be easy. It’s a lot of introspection, doubt, and isolation. I use my letters to concentrate all my anxiety in a productive way. But I have other coping mechanisms. I’ve included a collection of examples from the past month.
I didn’t want to go to work the other week. So, I sent Cinderella… actually, CinderLili. Sure, CinderLili doesn’t like having to miss the royal ball every Saturday night. CinderLili hates scooping sorbet for her evil step-sisters and their boyfriends, but she does it without complaining. She knows that eventually Prince Charming will rescue her from this misery. I spent twenty minutes getting the perfect photo to show how unimpressed I was. Then I went to work, pinned a sorbet cup to my head, and wore it as a crown all night.
Sometimes when I get writers block I take a few minutes to to amuse myself.
I turn on loud music and dance-run across the house. I also waltz with imaginary partners or belly dance in front of the mirror. I record myself singing, then try and harmonize over it. I pretend the dining room table is a piano and lie across it while rehearsing my lounge act.
If I need inspiration I go to cafes and talk to people sitting next to me. Or, I consult people closer to home.
We work well together.
And as you know, I don’t have reading glasses. Those are my writing glasses. I got them at a 3D movie. They help me concentrate.
What I’m trying to say is, I’m a total nutball. I take my work seriously, and I take myself seriously, but I let off steam all the time. I’m not sitting in the house under a blanket hating myself all day… just in the evenings. I’m kidding.
The reason my letters have been negative is that I’ve been stressed out and trying to push myself. Also, I didn’t want to use my letters or my blog as a way to brag about myself. That’s not the point of this thing. But, in the interest of balance, here’s a little list of what I’m proud of this year.
1. I wrote an entire script of 100+ pages in two weeks. I’ve workshopped it, and I’m not onto a better and more exciting second draft.
2. I bought, assembled, and regularly use a treadmill. I added a makeshift desk that I work from sometimes.
3. I have gone on a fair number of dates with a lot of nice guys. I haven’t settled for a single one. I know what I’m looking for in a relationship and I’m not going to date a guy just because he’s there.
4. I have been honest all year.
5. I’m forcing myself to make commitments and keep them.
6. My hair is getting really really long and I haven’t cut it myself (except for the bangs).
7. I’m not letting fear be an excuse for not doing something.
So, there ya go. Also, thank you for caring. I realize this blog is often the only information you get from me on a regular basis. I’m sorry I haven’t called or written as much as I could. Just know that I love and miss you all, and let’s try and talk more.
All my love,