To those who have expressed concern, NEVER FEAR

Dear Mom, Anna, Grandpa Sid, and Gina,

I owe you a happy post. You’ve all expressed some concern about my letters. Well, Gina, you haven’t. Mom mentioned you’re reading so I told her I’d give you a shout out. Anyway, I’m fine. See, I’m smiling. 

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Despite all of the frustrated and self-flagellating essays I post, I’m happier and more secure than I have been in a long time. That’s not to say I find my new life as a writer to be easy. It’s a lot of introspection, doubt, and isolation. I use my letters to concentrate all my anxiety in a productive way. But I have other coping mechanisms. I’ve included a collection of examples from the past month.

I didn’t want to go to work the other week. So, I sent Cinderella… actually, CinderLili. Sure, CinderLili doesn’t like having to miss the royal ball every Saturday night. CinderLili hates scooping sorbet for her evil step-sisters and their boyfriends, but she does it without complaining. She knows that eventually Prince Charming will rescue her from this misery. I spent twenty minutes getting the perfect photo to show how unimpressed I was. Then I went to work, pinned a sorbet cup to my head, and wore it as a crown all night.

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Sometimes when I get writers block I take a few minutes to to amuse myself. 

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I turn on loud music and dance-run across the house. I also waltz with imaginary partners or belly dance in front of the mirror. I record myself singing, then try and harmonize over it. I pretend the dining room table is a piano and lie across it while rehearsing my lounge act.

If I need inspiration I go to cafes and talk to people sitting next to me. Or, I consult people closer to home.

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We work well together.

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And as you know, I don’t have reading glasses. Those are my writing glasses. I got them at  a 3D movie. They help me concentrate.

What I’m trying to say is, I’m a total nutball. I take my work seriously, and I take myself seriously, but I let off steam all the time. I’m not sitting in the house under a blanket hating myself all day… just in the evenings. I’m kidding. 

The reason my letters have been negative is that I’ve been stressed out and trying to push myself. Also, I didn’t want to use my letters or my blog as a way to brag about myself. That’s not the point of this thing. But, in the interest of balance, here’s a little list of what I’m proud of this year.

1. I wrote an entire script of 100+ pages in two weeks. I’ve workshopped it, and I’m not onto a better and more exciting second draft.

2. I bought, assembled, and regularly use a treadmill. I added a makeshift desk that I work from sometimes.

3. I have gone on a fair number of dates with a lot of nice guys. I haven’t settled for a single one. I know what I’m looking for in a relationship and I’m not going to date a guy just because he’s there.

4. I have been honest all year.

5. I’m forcing myself to make commitments and keep them.

6. My hair is getting really really long and I haven’t cut it myself (except for the bangs).

7. I’m not letting fear be an excuse for not doing something.

So, there ya go. Also, thank you for caring. I realize this blog is often the only information you get from me on a regular basis. I’m sorry I haven’t called or written as much as I could. Just know that I love and miss you all, and let’s try and talk more.

All my love,

Lili

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4 thoughts on “To those who have expressed concern, NEVER FEAR

    • Thanks Geoff. It sounds silly, but I find that pretending to be my characters or playing make-believe loosens me up. The process becomes a game rather than a job. Acting like a little kid helps me ignore the critic in my head who is smirking at what I’m writing. I try and have too much fun to care. It also helps to play pretend when I don’t want to do something like go to work or clean the house. I pretend to be a character who likes paying bills or who has to take out the trash because if she doesn’t it will spontaneously combust. Anyway, thanks again for your comment and for reading 🙂

      • Haha I love your outlook on life and handling problems. When it comes to writing, I completely understand that nagging voice coming from your inner critic. The writing is the fun part, but then once you let the inner critic out during rewrites and proofing then the fun goes out the window since all you are doing is tearing apart your own work in an effort to improve it. If you have a make believe game to play during that portion of the process I would be all ears for it. Either way I’m going to try your game technique more often. More on how this works for me at a later time. Thanks again! 🙂

  1. Oh my goodness, Geoff, you get to the re-writes? You’re a true pro. I hate re-writes. I’m constantly shocked that my stream of consciousness strewn all over the page isn’t prose that would make the Terminator weep.

    Also, you’re blog is super funny. I’m about to press the follow button.

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