To My Body

Dear Body,

This is a real big deal, and I want to tell the world, because damn. I’ve spent the past ten years at least looking in the mirror and finding everything I could that was wrong with you. I have prayed, on your knees, to accept you. But I would feel my thighs, which I’ve always been ashamed of, sink around my heels and feel worse. I compared you to all of my thinner friends and tried to make you more like them. I felt weak when my will gave out because I couldn’t bear to look at you in the mirror of an exercise class. I didn’t like that parts of you jiggled on the treadmill. So I starved you, then filled you to excess, then stuck my fingers down my throat just to try and feel better. And then I saw a therapist. And then years passed. I learned a lot about my mind but not enough about you.

Suddenly, over the past week or so, I got that magic change that I prayed for. Today I looked at you, and I loved you. Today we waltzed around the living room with an imaginary partner, and we dressed up, and we looked at pictures of Betty Page and decided to emulate her confidence. And again I say damn. Because finally I feel good. I still see those thick thighs and flubby bits, but they don’t jiggle when I keep my chin up. So I took a few pictures. And I’m letting everyone see them. And I’m letting everyone see you. And yes, it’s vain. But man, it’s nice to feel proud of something.

Love Lili

Ps. I bought you a treadmill. Happy Hannukah.

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