To the Other Ex

Dear Other Ex,

That sounds controversial doesn’t it? It seems appropriate though. After all, you were the other half to my other half, a two-for-one special on boyfriends. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world, blind to the fact that you were part of a package deal set to expire.

When it did, it took a long time before I could begin to get over him. Strangely, our break-up wasn’t as amicable, at least not from your end. Aside from that uncharacteristic 3-day tryst, the only feelings you showed for me were disinterest and thinly veiled contempt. Occasionally, when it was just the two of us, you were a little warmer, a little kinder… enough to make me think that things would go back to the way they were before.

It’s taken me until now to realize what you are, what you were, and what you’ll no longer be. I didn’t know that I had to get over you too. It’s been years now. Years of a confused mixture of resentful hopefulness. Seeing you, I always wondered what I did wrong. Why you didn’t speak to the rest of our friends that way. And just so you know, they noticed it too.

I know you are capable of being a good friend, a great friend, the best friend. You once were to me. Sure, it’s ancient history, though it’s repeating itself. You know that, I know that, so do all our friends.

I’ve spent too long waiting for an explanation. I’m a good person. I’m a good friend. I don’t say the right things all the time and I certainly let my emotions get the better of me but now, now it is different. Sure, I’m working on impulse again. I’m letting the knots in my stomach do the talking. Everything feels coiled up and I can feel my heart pushing against my chest (which I’ve caught you staring at more than once).

It’s a shame we didn’t work out. I always thought I was the one person who could try as hard as you. And, under all that confused mixture of resentful hopefulness was a real respect for the person I saw you becoming.

Still, it’s time I get over you too. And, given the recent spate of events, I’m more than ready to move on.

All my best,

Lili

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